Dearest donor…
I’ve never thought so much or been so moved by a stranger as I am of you. What do you know of me? I know you are a 22-year-old male. I know that there are 10 genetic markers the stem cell team evaluates to register a match and that we match one another 10 out of 10. Even parents are, on average only 5 out of 10 with their children. Isn’t that wild? I know that in a year, I can sign a paper, and you can also sign one, and our identities will be revealed. I know that I really hope you sign it so I can express all the things to you in person.
When I imagine you, I picture my brother Adam, a solid and resilient character generous with a laugh, spirited, often misunderstood but loved BIG by those who saw through to his heart. I wish you could have met him. He died at 26 of a brain tumor, burning with love bright and vast - a wildfire in life and death. When I heard that you were a young man, I thought of him first, immediately followed by a morbid curiosity of how much of you will be expressed through me. Will I suddenly feel the urge to eat Taco Bell and buy an Xbox or whatever I imagine most 22-year-olds are into? Will your interests marry mine? Will passions grow within me that didn’t exist before; a part of you expressed through me? I will have to live a year and find out.
Ooph, that must feel like a lot of pressure, giving of your stem cells to help someone live and not really knowing if they did or not. If I were in your shoes, I’d be watching the clock on that one-year anniversary when I could get affirmation that all is well. I want you to know that, no matter what happens, all is VERY well. Because of you, I have hope of growing old. Because of you, I can spend my days dreaming of climbing mountains and eating pizza with friends, traveling in a van across the US and spending more hours playing fetch with my one (of four) weirdo cat Clemintine, taking care of my parents as they age and getting all the massages I can afford. I love being alive, and thanks to you, I have a shot at more time. Thank you. Thank you.
Fun facts: did you know that I will always have your immune system, so if my blood is tested, it will contain some of your DNA? How freaking awesome is that?! We are forever brothers and sisters, and I intend to honor the life you gave me by making it about love, giving of my passions in service to others, eating all the ice cream, designing my life and choosing the people around my #1 goal of belly laughing every day.
Thank you just doesn’t cut it. For giving me the light of peace in the darkness. For giving your literal blood to me, a stranger, so I can live. For your time, for your generosity, for the world of gifts that words cannot touch - thank you.
You are loved forever, regardless of the days I have left.
Your sister,
Hayley
Thank you too, willow trees, for being such a magical part of my life. I’m never not in awe of you.
